Hurry Up, Don't Let That Clock Stop!

I know I haven't written in a while, but yesterday I realized something that I would like to share.

Does life get boring in your late-20s? So I've felt likeeee, okay what's next? For maybe the last few months. I don't think I really knew what the feeling was though...until yesterday.

I feel like calling life boring is one of those things you shouldn't be allowed to say because everyone alive is blessed to be that way...but what happens when the clock periodically stops...or slows all the way down?

Think about it, from approximately 13 - 23+ years of age, you're on this series of short (or long) stints:

• high school
• college
• grad school (optional)
• job #1 (optional)
• career change
• relocating (even if back home)
• marriage (optional)
• kids (optional)

All of these activities/stages of life require tons of hard work and they all come with a nice little end result (prize):

• diploma
• degree
• another degree (optional)
• salary for the first time in life
• a fresh start (in what we actually wanted to do, but didn't know til now)
• someone to go through life with (optional, this isn't a prize for all of us, LOL)
• another person to go through life with, which you created (again, what I said above)

 But what happens when you're done with all of that...or at intermission? I haven't completed all of the "stints", but I'm at a stopping point of sorts. All of the prizes I wanted to have by now, I have.  The ones I don't, I still look forward to attaining one day but I'm not exactly ready to for them at the present moment. Essentially, that leaves me nothing to go after right now and that is... boring.

I had a job I didn't like, I found one I like.
I didn't know exactly where I wanted to live, I found an apartment I love.
The fam is cool.
Friends are cool.
Dating is....ehhh hard but cool. Just chillin.
Everything is cool. How boring is that?!

But how blessed is that, at the same damn time?! Talk about internal conflict...

Some people, and a lot of my friends seems to be doing just this, take time to just party, be wasteful and live by the ever-so-popular, YOLO. That isn't fulfilling to me. It's fun for like a minute...and then I'm ready for something more challenging.

Is this just me? Or are you at this awkward intermission without an exact end date too? I don't doubt that the ride will begin again momentarily (it never stops for long). I'm just wondering whether I'm supposed to not-so-much enjoy this like I am...or am I supposed to embrace it because once it ends, the ride starts right back up, complete with long scary drops, fun flips and deep dives...and once that happens, I'll be hoping I had appreciated this intermission a bit more.

Is it then safe to say then, that the late 20s are quite boring and the fun starts up again at 30??? Oh geez...I sure hope not. I thrive off of the prizes....I thrive off of pursuing and successfully obtaining the prize. And right now, there's no prize being dangling in front of me...and boy is it a blessing boring.

And sue me for sounding like a complete overachiever. It just is what it is.

Bucket Budgeting: Update

In my previous post, Curb Your Spending: Bucket Budgeting, I discussed a cool budgeting method to keep from over-spending. I put this technique into action and have been going strong with it for about 6 months. So...this is how it's been going...

How I set mine up:
1) I opened a new checking account. I wanted to do this at a different bank to make it harder for me to transfer money between accounts, however, I just love (and trust) my bank too much and couldn't find an alternative that I really liked. This new account I call my "bill paying account" to only be used for bill payment. I did not get a debit card or any checks to go along with this account. Theoretically, I shouldn't need those because I pay all of my bills online.

*We'll call my other checking account my "spending account" for the sake of this post.*

2) I rerouted my paycheck to submit a certain dollar amount into my spending account. I set this at $350 every two weeks (so $700/mo). I honestly still think this is too high but I'm going to work on becoming stricter and stricter over time. The remainder of my paycheck goes into my bill paying account. Now this $350 (twice a month) is to cover anything outside of my bills. For me that means:

• Groceries - I spend between $100-200/month on this. Sometimes more of less depending on how much I eat in the streets.
• Gas (I only use gas for recreational purposes, so if you drive to and from work I think it's okay to take your gas money out of your bill paying account).
• Entertainment - Eating out, movies, bars, etc. Essentially extracurricular fun.
• Shopping
• Lunch (when I don't bring it to work) - this also includes my Starbucks habit
• Hair/nails - I only get my hair done once every 2 months. I usually get a mani every other week, a pedi every 3-4 weeks and a polish change on the off weeks. By the way ladies, polish changes are a great way to save money on getting a mani or pedi every week but still keeping your nails fresh.
• My cleaning lady - Yes, I have a cleaning person once a month to do the heavy cleaning in my apartment. For many of you, you can do this yourself, but I choose to pay because I hate heavy cleaning.
• Anything else you can think of that I forgot to list but is a want, not a need.

3) My monthly savings amount gets transferred from my bill paying account to my savings account once a month.

4) I split my bills out between my paychecks by listing which bills comes out of my 1st check and 15th check (I get paid twice a month). I keep track of this list in my planner.

1st check

• Rent
• School loan #1
• Cable
• Tithes

15th check

• Carnote
• School loan #2
• School loan #3 (there are so many of these damn it)
• Electricity
• Cooking Gas (this is only billed once every 2 months)
• Savings transfer
• Credit card payment

And then I just sat and watched it all work.

Progress Report:
In the beginning, it was very hard. I would overdraft on my spending account (luckily it's linked to my savings so any extra money gets auto transferred and cuts down on fees) and I would transfer from my bill paying account to my spending account to have more money to spend on something I wanted to do but didn't budget for (because I have a little extra cushion that I leave in my bill paying account). I had to learn how to cut down on eating out and spending money on entertainment so I could make sure I had enough money in my spending account for gas and lunch.

Six months later I think I got it! I would have to say, it feels amazing to have so much control over every cent I have. I don't feel like I'm missing out or can't do certain things socially, I just plan better and I've learned to say no when I am overextending myself. Instead of feeling like I'm missing out, I feel like I'm being responsible and not wasting money. Sometimes I even end up with extra money in my spending account at the end of the month.

I grocery shop more often. I bring my breakfast and lunch to work more often. Overall, this bucket budgeting has changed my life. Lol.

The next decision will be: how do I decide when I should increase (or decrease) my spending allowance...

Until then...happy budgeting!

If you have a fun, effective budgeting technique you've recently implemented and would like to share with readers, please email me at 25andretiring@gmail.com

Summertime Budget Blues: How to Keep from Going Overboard This Summer

I live in Chicago...and if you've ever been here in the summer months,  you already know it pops. Some of you come for weekends (Memorial Day, July 4th) and do some major damage to your bank account...just think about what must happen to those of us who live here!

I realized that it is obviously easier to stick to a budget (spend less and save more) during the winter months because obviously you stay in more. So what types of precautions should we all be taking this summer to make sure we don't go overboard on the pocket book. I have a few suggestions.

1) Budget your time. In the summer, budgeting your time is just as important as budgeting your money. The more time you spend out, the more money you tend to spend...so give yourself a limited amount of "going out" hours per week. For me, I've budgeted two nights out per week and only two weekend days of "all day drinking" per month. Free activities do not count. :-) But if I'm going to a friend's house for a bbq/to watch sports and I have to bring something, that counts...technically it isn't free.

2) Find free stuff to do!  I know, you're saying: "Duh Speedy". Look for free things to do in your city: festivals, fireworks, etc. SummerDance in Chicago is one of those great options!

Believe me, I know...this one is a little more hard to do, but you have to get creative. I haven't mastered this one yet...everything at least costs some kind of money, even if a small amount...but I'm working on it. As I come up with new options, I will surely let you all know!

3)  Spend more time volunteering.  And maybe even invite your friends! I definitely encourage volunteering year round...but even more so in the summer. Oftentimes having fun in the summer is just about being out and about with people you enjoy. Volunteering is almost always free and if you do it with friends, it'll feel like you're having a fun day out with the homies. Trick yourself!

4) Get on the bus. A lot of my friends are "too good for the bus." I don't know why?! Instead of hopping into a cab or your car to go places, GET ON THE BUS! This is especially helpful for me because I already pay (pre-tax) $86 a month for my unlimited bus pass to get to and from work in Downtown Chicago. Therefore, using my bus pass in the evenings or on weekends is no incremental cost to me! With gas prices as high as they are...people are really sleeping on this.

4a) Park Smart. This is #4 part 2 because it still involves the bus...lol. If you're going downtown but don't want to ride the bus back to your hood late at night...drive to a more central neighborhood and park in a free spot. Then hop on the bus or walk to your destination from there. Or find yourself a good deal parking lot downtown, one that let's you park all day at a low rate, or has a low rate after 4pm...drive in, leave your car there, and let the Loop be your Oyster. And put your friends on so they can save money too!

5) Carpool. By the same token, car pooling is another great option (and comes more naturally to a lot of us car booties while gas is so dang on high). Get a buddy you hang out with all the time and maybe live close to...and trade off on driving places. Now this doesn't mean have him/her drive all the dang on time...it should be of equal benefit for both of you. Sometimes when you're out late and the bus isn't a safe option...this is a close second. Stop tryna stunt, and ride shotgun.

6) Research deals. Don't be too proud ot pull out a coupon! My co-worker and I just went for ice cream yesterday with a buy one get one free cone coupon at Baskin Robbins. We each paid $1 and had a nice little afternoon ice cream date! Ha! Today, you can get a deal just by checking in on FourSquare. Use it. All of it. Every dollar counts.

7) Turn off your Internet. Now this might sound crazy to some of you but hear me out. When I moved into my new apartment last summer, I went without Internet at home from May 2011 - November 2011. Not only did I save money on my cable bill, but I also didn't really miss it! Because I was out and about so much, I never really had time to just sit on the computer. Additionally, I have an iPhone, which allowed me to check my email and search for things on the web just fine. And if there was anything my iPhone couldn't handle (and wasn't too personal), I just conquered it during my lunch on my work computer.

8) Get a flask. Simply stated...you save on drinks (and you probably start having fun a lot more faster than everyone else). lol.

Some of these may be easy for you and some may be hard. The point is not to conquer everything on this list (if you do awesomeness), but even just doing 2 or 3 things may keep you from trying to play catch up this fall and keep you out of your savings!

Happy Summer!

If you have more savvy ways to save money during the summer, post them below! We'd love to hear your thoughts.

Are Women Too Picky or Are Men Really Shitty?

I enjoy reading a few blogs written by young Black males, mainly because they give an interesting perspective on how today's pool of young Black women are viewed by our counterparts. An overarching theme I've heard from these guys, and many others within my network, is that women are too picky.

Sometimes, I'm inclined to agree with this assertion. I myself, have deleted a few items from my list of must-haves in a man. But I'm not 100% sure I did this because my list was wrong of me to have in the first place, or if it was just too darn unrealistic given the current pool of men out here.

More often than not, we (and I'm speaking for the college-educated, good career toting, own apartment/house and car, no kids, attractive and fashion forward women) are criticized for having a laundry list of expectations and demands for any guy we'll even consider dating material, let alone boyfriend or husband material. While I would agree that it does limit us to the pool of men to choose from...I'm not quite sure that it's irrational for us to have this list.

Traditionally, and let's admit it, the majority of us want to operate traditionally, men are the captain of the ship, the head of the household, the provider, the leader, the man. I think that for me and women like me, who have attained a lot at a fairly young age, it might just be the case that it takes a long laundry list to be the captain of our ships.

Let's take me for example. I am 25, with an advanced degree, my own apartment, my own car, I am looking to make manager at my current job in the next two years (so my goal is to make director by the time I'm 30)...if I attain this, it means hopefully making six figures by or before I turn 30. (These are GOALS...hint hint, looking for a man who has them!) I'm pretty sure I'd be considered normal by social standards...I make friends easily, I have a broad network of peers in multiple career areas, I come from a pretty decent family...oh and I almost forgot, I don't have any kids and I'm a Certified Public Accountant.

I would like to think that "long" laundry list of, what I'd like to call, "bossy" qualities about myself (please excuse my lack of humility for the purposes of this post), entitles me to request the same of any man I want to give my attention to. No?

With that in mind, I'd want a man between 25-30, with an advanced degree, his own apartment/home (I don't have a roommate, but compromise is key so I won't judge if he has one) and car, on the career track to be making at least six figures by 30 (if he's not doing it already), with a decent network of friends, colleagues and peers (don't be a weirdo or asshole), a good family, and some type of [hard to attain] licensure for his line of work. NO KIDS. And it would be nice if he were also attractive (by my standards) and God-fearing.

That man almost sounds like Mr. Perfect huh?

I feel like if I made a bold statement that this is what I want, this is my list...my mama might even tell me I'm asking for too much. But why? All I'm asking for is someone like me!

Check this: In the military, you don't get to become the Captain if you haven't yet proven yourself to be a great Lieutenant. Furthermore, the Lieutenant never leads the Captain...ever. Why would I want a man to be the Captain of my ship and he hasn't even made it to my rank...Lieutenant? I'll let you think about it.

To take this a little further...

We all love the Obamas, not only because they are the President and First Lady of the United States, but because they represent tradition. Barack is the man, he is the Captain, there is no confusion about that. Michelle is his wife, the mother of his children, she is the Lieutenant, and she follows his lead. Yet and still, Michelle is a very accomplished woman in her own right. We get the impression that her husband respects her and loves her, regardless of their ranks. But, would we look at their relationship the same if Barack were a truck driver (or insert any career here that doesn't make as much as Michelle did before she became the First Lady) and Michelle were just as successful as she was before the Presidency?

Probably not. I mean we'd probably feel like Michelle is on her "ish". But we wouldn't glorify the couple in the same way we do now. The order would be messed up...that's not the way things are supposed to be...it doesn't follow tradition...it isn't normal. And let's admit, the reason we love the Obamas is because they are as "normal" of a couple as it gets. Except in our society that isn't the norm anymore, it's the exception...which is in and of itself a big issue, but I'll save that for another post. 

Certain parts of this post are me just playing devil's advocate. (Sorry to be so harsh at times guys). But parts of devil's advocate, I actually kind of bang with. I'm open to falling in love with whoever I fall in love with...but I don't think that if I did have a standard of men that requires what some people would deem "too much," I would be wrong. I can't go putting millionaire on my list of requirements, b/c let's be real... I'm no Drake, but to request the same things of a partner that I myself bring to the table, shouldn't be regarded as being "too picky."

So is it really the case that women are being too picky? Or is it that the majority of men out here are just too shitty?

I would love to hear your thoughts!

Why Everyone Should Be an Accountant

Accounting may be boring (to most) but it is quite essential to run a successful business. I have a lot of friends who come to me with fun and exciting business ideas. A lot of them aren't half bad...but there's always one key issue: they don't understand the accounting. Moreover, they think the accounting is only important for taxes and the IRS. But the way you account for your business is key to its survival.

Of course you can hire an accountant, but in the infancy stages of a business most people don't have the luxury of being able to afford someone that official. Furthermore, it's your business...good or bad accounting can make or break it...do you really want to put all of that responsibility in someone else's hands or would you rather know yourself?

I ran across an article in the NYTimes, Basics of Accounting Are Vital to Survival for Entrepreneurs and thought the key points would be great to share with you all. The article shares that you don't have to be a CPA to run a successful business, but there are a few key financial indicators you should understand and pay close attention to in order to measure how successful your business is doing:

1. "Don't Mistake Debt for Profit" - Cash flow is king. When I look at a company's balance sheet and their ratio of cash to debt is 1:2 instead of 2:1...I smell liquidity problems. It's awesome to have cash sitting in the bank, but if all of that cash is money you borrowed, you're just as bad off, if not worse, than if you had $0 in cash and $0 in debt. At least then, you'd be painting an honest picture for yourself...and you wouldn't owe anyone!
2. "Manage Receivables" - This is a major point I always tell my friends. Receivables (money owed to you for services already rendered) are an asset (aka a good thing). However, receivables are only good if the customers actually pay you (thus converting the receivable into cash...again CASH IS KING). A lot of poorly managed businesses will reveal high receivables that have been sitting (aging) for months. The longer it takes someone to pay you, the less likely they are to actually do it. Common sense right? Therefore, if you have $100,000 of receivables on your balance sheet, but $90,000 of them have been there for 3 months or more...chances are you will never see that $90k. With receivables you have to make sure you keep track of who owes you (don't let them buy more until they pay up!), have a collections process in place (don't just let customers sit there owing, call them every day/week/month until they pay), and know what you should be writing off (you want to make sure the picture you're painting is accurate).
3. "Understand Your Expenses" - Your bottom line (net income) is what matters. Don't get so caught up on sales, that you forget what you spent to make those sales happen. If you sell $50k but you spent $45k doing it, that isn't so good. This is why when Kandi of Real Housewives of Atlanta was going on and on about her new sex toy business selling out everywhere, I was unimpressed....don't get me wrong, I love Kandi, but her reiterating that the toys were selling out says little about how the actual business is doing. Who cares how much you sold, how much did you actually make from those sales?! I digress...
4. "Track Your Breakeven" - If you know how much you need to make (revenue) to cover how much you spent (expenses), you're less likely to go into the hole. Most business owners only want to examine their revenues and expenses around tax time but certain financial aspects of the business should be tracked regularly. It's just like balancing your checkbook, okay, I know no one does that anymore...but at the very least, you make sure the bills you're paying every month aren't more than your paycheck right?! Okay, that's BREAKEVEN!

For those of you seriously interested in pursuing entrepreneurship, I would strongly suggest not only seeking out the help of knowledgable professionals, but also taking a basic accounting class or picking up a text book and teaching yourself. You should know and understand how important accounting is to your business, whether you find it fun or not. Afterall, good accounting could help your business survive in the worst of times and help it flourish in the best.

Good Luck & Happy Accounting!

Is it ever okay to liquidate your 401K?

Confession: Recently, I've been on bad credit card behavior.

So in pondering how I would correct this problem, I seriously, for a 10th of a mille-second, thought about liquidating my 401K (well partially at least, since I probably wouldn't need the whole thing) to completely alleviate the credit card debt I've mischievously racked up in the 2012.

Then a conversation with a colleague-friend came up today about how people finance their living arrangements when they leave a full time job to pursue an MBA at a full time 2 year program. I was naive enough to think that these people just saved up while they were working and accumulated enough to live a "college" lifestyle while they're off the job for 2 years. My colleague-friend quickly corrected me by saying something to the tune of, "Yeah, I used to be like you, and wanted to think people had it all together, but the truth is they usually liquidate their 401Ks to live off of."

This NEVER occurred to me! But since it was brought to my attention, I wondered whether I agreed or disagreed with this method of financing...for the MBAers and credit card spenders like myself.

Unfortunately, I am still undecided. Well, I sort of agree that you shouldn't liquidate...but I understand why people do. In the grand scheme of things, I don't think it would be that detrimental to one's retirement to take $10K- 15K out to alleviate some stress early on in their career. But! This should only be a SINGLE quick fix... not something you do every 5 years. This is a one time deal. And that's where it gets iffy for me because chances are, if it's that easy for you to swim out of your credit card debt, how likely are you be to get right back in it... probably pretty likely.


In reading about it, I didn't find one finance guru who supports liquidating your 401K for any reason other than the absolute last means of survival. Their reasons why:

• Your retirement fund is the ONE thing that creditors can not get to (in most states) even after you file Bankruptcy. Why give them access to cash they are not permitted to go after under any circumstances.
• If you're under 59 1/2 years old, not only does a retirement distribution get taxed as ordinary income (at your individual tax rate) but you also incur a 10% penalty for early withdrawal. While credit card debt can have pretty harsh interest rates, you end up paying a much higher percentage on an early distribution and this almost always outweighs your credit card's interest rate.  
• There's ALWAYS something else you can do first. Instead of going straight for the 401K, you should make changes in your budget in order to live within your means. This way, not only do you dig yourself out of a hole, but you also teach yourself how to stay out of it. Until you have exhausted every other option you should not touch your 401K.

Now that I've written it all...I guess I have ruled this one out...

But...there are reasons you can borrow from your 401K...but the key word there is borrow. We shall talk about that next time.

Until then...

peace.love.soul.

Craziest Tax Deductions

Read this on CNN Money and thought it was funny enough to share. No seriousness in this one...just all laughs. I think I've had some of you ask me about some even crazier tax deductions.

Enjoy!

http://money.cnn.com/galleries/2012/pf/taxes/1203/gallery.wacky-tax-deductions/index.html

Tax Tantrum Tuesday: Charitable Contribution Come Up

Remember my "You Have Arrived" post regarding the ability to itemize on your taxes? Well I met my goal this year...I stayed consistent with my tithing in church (which was a 2011 New Year's resolution for me) and it resulted in me being able to itemize on my 2011 federal tax return in addition to being blessed beyond measure. I thought it would be nice of me to share how this turned out to be a benefit for my taxes... even though a tax deduction for charitable contributions was not even 50% of my motivation for wanting to donate more to non-profit organizations including tithes to my church.

As you all know from my tax posts...either you can claim the standard deduction or itemized deduction on your federal tax return. The standard deduction for 2011 is $5,800 for singles no matter how much you made. Itemizing is a bit different and fluctuates based on what you are able to itemize. For 2011, I was able to itemize $7,160. This included my state income taxes paid (this would've been taken out of my paycheck regardless) as well as my charitable contributions (roughly $4000 in tithes and other charitable donations throughout 2011). So in essence, for 2011 I was able to deduct $1,360 more ($7,160 - $5,800) from my income by keeping up with tithing and being a little more generous than I would've been in the past.

The bigger deduction resulted in my tax liability being about $400 lower than it would've been had I only been able to take the standard deduction. This means my refund was $400 larger. Now, I know what you're thinking...this isn't a lot. 

But I. Feel. Amazing. For a few reasons:

1) I was able to successfully complete my New Year's resolution for 2011.

2) I was able to itemize and take just that much more of my mula back from the IRS...which honestly makes me want to start planning and saving for the next big itemization move...buying a home. I think it's great to set that up as a goal for myself at 25.

3) My refund is $400 bigger! It's not a ton of money but it's $400 the IRS would've had otherwise!

4) Giving is so much more fulfilling than I could have ever imagined. This is really the biggest reason (hence it's bold type font). Contrary to popular belief, I did not have to give up anything in order to give...and if I did, I didn't notice it. That's how happy giving made me. :-)

Happy itemizing and happy giving!

Apple Will Make You Do the Craziest Things

Make room in your budgets for increasing cell phone costs. Why? Because Apple has figured out a way to rule the world and whether or not you're under their spell, you will probably pay the price.

An article on CNN Money caught my eye today, The iPhone is a Nightmare for Carriers. Shocking headline right? How could the iPhone be a nightmare for anyone...it's only one of the greatest things ever created.

After reading the article, one thing really stood out to me: the power of a strong brand. We often talk about great brands...brands we see everyday, can recognize very easily, and even have developed loyalty to. But what Apple has done...or should I say, what Steve Jobs has done...is turned us into some pathetic salivating puppies who would do and give anything to get our paws on whatever it is they're selling. Talk. About. Genius. God rest his soul.

So the problem: Why is iPhone a nightmare for carriers? In the simplest terms, carriers aren't making money off of the iPhone. In fact they are losing money from offering it. Carriers pay the "sticker" price for each phone from Apple and they sell it to us at deep discount, after hundreds of dollars in rebates and the such. For most phones, this subsidy is recouped over the course of a 2 year phone contract but for the iPhone, the subsidy is so large that even with the contract, iPhones are bringing margins down. Fun fact of the day: Verizon saw one quarter of rising margins this year. When? Third quarter, when iPhone sales stalled due to the much anticipated release of the 4S. Go figure. Not to mention the added expenses of supporting these 3G and 4G compatible networks and expanding coverage areas. Now not only is AT&T seeing decreasing margins from offering the iPhone, Verizon and Sprint have joined the band wagon as well.

The Solution? You would think this means that carriers wouldn't support the iPhone. Sprint admitted to paying upfront costs of $15.5 billion over four years yet doesn't expect to make any money off of the iPhone until at least 2015. What business continues to sell something that makes it lose money? This is where the power of the brand comes into play. No. They aren't thinking about tossing Apple (no one would dare do such a thing). They aren't even considering negotiations with Apple to reduce the subsidy (which is running about $450 per phone). Instead, they are passing on the increased costs to consumers in the form of higher service plans and limits on otherwise unlimited offerings. Sprint has increased all smartphone rates by $10/ month. Verizon no longer offers unlimited data. AT&T no longer has an unlimited plan and raised rates by $5/month. This is for everybody. Non-iPhone users and #teamiPhone alike. Why do you ask? It's all in the name of market share.

Carriers don't think the iPhone love affair will end anytime soon. And I think they're right. Even if it tanks their margins, it increases their market share. The reality of it all is that everyone loves Apple and consumers will flock to the carriers who offer it...so whether or not it makes dollars, it makes sense. First time I've seen that cliche broken. Apple, you've done it again.

The Cheating Debate: To Stay or Walk Away

In light of recent reality television events and profound conversations I've engaged in with my friends and coworkers, I have decided to have a few-part series (I don't know how many yet..lol) on the Cheating Debate.

Part I: To Stay or Walk Away

If you watch Love and Hip Hop on VH1, you witnessed first hand, Chrissy's (who rapper Jim Jones has been in a committed relationship with for 7 years) monologue regarding how the girlfriends/baby mommas/wives of high profile rappers (and we can go ahead and lump athletes and other famous and fine men), should approach their relationships...realistically.

If you don't watch, you can get a summary of what she said here.

 I think we can all agree that at least Chrissy isn't naive. The part that gets cloudy is whether or not it's acceptable for her to just be satisfied with the fact that when you date a certain caliber of man (specifically the kind with groupies) there will be infidelity. And although no woman wants that, it's part of the package. The way you know he loves and respects you is [not by whether or not he cheats at all, but..] by how well [or poorly] he keeps it a secret.

For Emily, Chrissy's friend, the problem with rapper Fabulous is that he was all out and about with his cheating, which is obviously a lack of respect. But for her and Jimmy...well Jimmy knows better than to let her see or hear anything. And that demonstrates his respect for their relationship.

Now in just typing that, I see something inherently wrong with Chrissy's definition of respect. Because if that's respect then what is it called when your man just doesn't ever cheat on you. Is that like...super respect?

On the other hand...reality is reality. Andddd the reality of it all is that, famous or not famous most men cheat. I said most not all. Repeat, most not all. And what Chrissy is saying here is that because this is quite impossible to avoid, at the very least, a man should make sure his hos stay silent. I can bang with it...kind of.

In the link above, the YBF blogger maintains that she's sick of women settling for men mistreating them just because it comes nicely packaged with big houses and expensive things. Why can't you be bossy, attain your own, buy you own big house and expensive things, and find a man who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Why just turn the other cheek just because you're too lazy to make your own?

She has a valid point.

But in conversation with some of my good girlfriends we all agreed...that ish is easier said than done. Because as women who have attained degrees (some of us multiple), are independent, and have our heads on straight, it is hard as hell to find a great normal ass faithful man.  I would argue that it's as if you have to pick one or the other: respect yourself, be independent, attain and buy your own OR be a good woman, let a man be the head of your household, buy you nice things and be okay with the fact that he occasionally steps out on you (as long as he knows how to keep it hush, hush). Raise your hand if you know more than a couple people with the best of both worlds.

Anddd as the saying goes...the grass isn't always greener. Women like myself, who are independent and self sufficient (and are usually sitting on our high horses talking about what we ain't gon' deal with), are thinking, well maybe it wouldn't be so bad to tolerate the cheating because we are just sick of being out here single as all get out. And women on the other side (say an Emily of sorts) feel like, I'm worth more than this and I need to show him I don't need his ass. The money and nice ish don't mean more than my dignity at the end of the day.

But the truth of the matter is that as soon as you switch sides, you'll probably miss what you had on the other side. That of course, doesn't really keep anybody from switching...

So I can respect Chrissy...because she's chosen her side and she's sticking with it. I think she realizes that the alternative comes with it's set of issues as well...and it's really just about which set of issues you want to take on. And when you look at it that way...well, it's pretty darn simple whether you should...

Stay or Walk away

What do you think? Is Chrissy completely wrong, right or in between? Men, we would love to hear from you as well!! Comment below.

Curb Your Spending: Bucket Budgeting

I think that I've voiced my desire to bucket budget in the past, I just didn't know it had a name. But alas! It is a tried and true budgeting technique...not just a last ditch effort for someone, like me, who is having too much 25 year old fun and thinks she spends too much on entertainment purposes! 

I'm am putting this into action in my world like NOW. For you, I just highly recommend...especially if you're not good at sticking to a budget.

Bucket Budgeting

You may have to open up an extra bank account (I did), but I'm excited about how awesome this is going to be!

The general gist:


There are three buckets for your money: two checking accounts and one savings account. (Sidenote: this is budgeting of your actual take home pay...so no 401k biz here...we're only talking about what goes in your pocket every two weeks).


There are two direct deposits made from your pay check: one to your savings account. I would say this should be at least 10% (depending on how much you put into your 401k and any other savings methods you use). The other to one of the checking accounts. Any alternate way of doing this is to have one direct deposit (if your job doesn't allow two or you don't feel like setting up a second) and then have automatic transfers from your primary checking to your savings and secondary checking account. 

The deposit to the savings stays there. Or gets transferred to further savings/investment accounts.

A portion of the deposit to the primary checking is transferred into your secondary checking accounts. Let me explain the difference between the primary and secondary.


Primary Checking: Houses the majority of your money and should be used for paying your bills. All of your bills, or as many as possible, should be automatic debited from this account on a monthly basis. 

Secondary Checking: Houses your disposable/entertainment income. YOUR SPENDING MONEY GOES HERE. This way, once you're out. You're out. And you cannot dip into your bill or savings money. It is strictly prohibited!

Three important rules for bucket budgeting:
1) No over drafting
2) No transferring additional "spending" money because you ran out
3) NO CREDIT CARDS!


This budget forces you to live within your means. Many financial advisers will attest that the number 1 way to stay financially stable is to learn to live within your means. Once you've done this...everything else is downhill from there.

This budget prevents you from having to micromanage your finances. All of your direct deposits and automated transfers move your money around for you. All you have to do is watch it go and only spend what you've given yourself. 

The article points out that this budget also creates "artificial scarcity" and forces you to learn to live on less. I agree andddd I love, love, love it!


WHAT I'D LOVE FROM YOU: If you try this and it works, comment and let us know. If you try this and it doesn't work, comment and let us know why not!

Making Philanthropy Fun: How to Get Engaged in Giving Back

One of 25 and retiring's readers requested that I write about philanthropy for twenty somethings. Coincidentally, I ran into this article on Wall Street Journal the same week: Making Philanthropy 'Fun' For Young Professionals

The key word for our generation is fun. We really only find value in spending time doing things we enjoy. I mean let's face it, we're pretty selfish like that. So when thinking about philanthropic opportunities that you can get involved in (and will most likely stay involved in) don't feel bad about measuring the fun factor.

A few creative ways to give back and enjoy it:

1) Participate in a program with children. For those of us who actually like them [children], programs like Big Brother Big Sister are a really fun way to give back. I participated as a Big Sister in Chicago my first year back and used it as an opportunity to do all of the fun, childish, touristy things I enjoy about the city but my friends might think are lame or a waste of time and money: ice and roller skating, Segway tours, trips to Navy Pier (more specifically the Children's museum), arts and crafts, etc.

2) Join a Junior Board. These are also a great way to meet other like-minded young professionals in your area. A lot of non profit organizations grab the attention of twenty somethings through their Junior Board. The Junior Board raises awareness about the organization while bringing in funds in the form of programming, events and fundraisers. Of course the board is composed of other young professionals, so meetings and things, while business-like and semi-serious can also be really fun because you usually become friends with fellow board members. This is also good to be able to put on your resume, especially if you assume a leadership position and can potentially prepare you to sit on the Executive Board of a non profit one day. I participated on a Junior Board in Chicago as well for two years and have gained very close and beneficial relationships with young professionals across different careers because of it, all the while assisting in the growth and development of a non profit whose mission I believed in. Pretty good deal.

3) Volunteer with Your Friends! When it comes to organizing a night out, afternoon at the movies, game night at someone's home, or a weekend road trip, we can organize away. Well what about organizing a fun volunteer activity for your group of friends on a Saturday afternoon (of course followed by lunch/dinner and drinks at your favorite bar or restaurant) at your local homeless or women's shelter or soup kitchen? Maybe you can even make it your annual Thanksgiving or Christmas activity??? I participate in a small group bible study with a group of young women and as part of our group we've designated someone to come up with community service activities for us to engage in from time to time. You can do this too if you're involved in a book club with friends or maybe if you go hoop with your boys on a weekly basis. The point is, anything you do with your buddies, will be guaranteed fun!

Making Him Wait

We all have different perspectives on how "long" we should make a guy wait to get the goodies. But do we ever think about whether we're making a guy wait too long?

Check it. I read an article in the February issue of Essence Magazine that talked about relationship myths. One of them (and obviously the one that really caught my attention), was something along the lines of:

"Giving it up too soon will give a guy the wrong impression and lump you into the easy/hobags category." 

To my surprise, the guy "expert" lending his advice for this myth said that as an adult, the time in which it takes to get the drawers doesn't heavily weigh on a guy's decision to seriously pursue a woman. He mentioned that he's had long relationships with women who he has slept with the first night they met him as well as women who made him wait a few dates, weeks, months.

We (women) always think that if you give it up too soon the guy will automatically think that everybody is hittin' it that soon. But he suggested that's not the case. Guys are cocky. They don't think every guy gets it that soon, they just think they did. Swag. lol. Basically, it plays to a guy's ego.

Who knew?!!!

Furthermore... he mentioned that actually, when a woman makes him wait too long...he oftentimes gets annoyed and becomes uninterested. *brakes screeching* WHAAAAT?!

Yall, this threw me...like all. the. way. Why would a woman wanting to be sure about taking the next step in a relationship make any good man disinterested? Or would it? If a man becomes disinterested...does that mean he wasn't any good for you anyway? Or does it mean, you're trippin' woman?

Readers...male and female...WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!

• What is the best window of time (to not give it up too soon but not make him wait too long)?
• How many men have actually become uninterested in a woman mostly based on this factor?
• Is this guy's perspective true for most men?

I would really love your thoughts in the comments section below. Please share! Let's discuss!

New Year...Continuous Journey

Happy 2012! 

2012 marks one year for 25andretiring. Wow.

Through it all, I am so proud of what I've been able to accomplish and I am looking forward to another year of even bigger and better from me.

Most people associate the new year with new beginnings. Normally I would take this stance. However, 2011 was such an amazing year that instead of starting anew, I would like to continue the journey I started in 2011.

I hope that whichever stance you take, you've spent the time to reflect on the past 365 days and pull from them things that made you a more exceptional person, and leave behind any and all pain, anxiety, worry or fear. This is the year to be fearless, powerful, loving, harmonious, strong and happy. This is the year of 25!

Peace and Blessings to you and yours. Happy New Year!