The Cheating Debate: To Stay or Walk Away

In light of recent reality television events and profound conversations I've engaged in with my friends and coworkers, I have decided to have a few-part series (I don't know how many yet..lol) on the Cheating Debate.

Part I: To Stay or Walk Away

If you watch Love and Hip Hop on VH1, you witnessed first hand, Chrissy's (who rapper Jim Jones has been in a committed relationship with for 7 years) monologue regarding how the girlfriends/baby mommas/wives of high profile rappers (and we can go ahead and lump athletes and other famous and fine men), should approach their relationships...realistically.

If you don't watch, you can get a summary of what she said here.

 I think we can all agree that at least Chrissy isn't naive. The part that gets cloudy is whether or not it's acceptable for her to just be satisfied with the fact that when you date a certain caliber of man (specifically the kind with groupies) there will be infidelity. And although no woman wants that, it's part of the package. The way you know he loves and respects you is [not by whether or not he cheats at all, but..] by how well [or poorly] he keeps it a secret.

For Emily, Chrissy's friend, the problem with rapper Fabulous is that he was all out and about with his cheating, which is obviously a lack of respect. But for her and Jimmy...well Jimmy knows better than to let her see or hear anything. And that demonstrates his respect for their relationship.

Now in just typing that, I see something inherently wrong with Chrissy's definition of respect. Because if that's respect then what is it called when your man just doesn't ever cheat on you. Is that like...super respect?

On the other hand...reality is reality. Andddd the reality of it all is that, famous or not famous most men cheat. I said most not all. Repeat, most not all. And what Chrissy is saying here is that because this is quite impossible to avoid, at the very least, a man should make sure his hos stay silent. I can bang with it...kind of.

In the link above, the YBF blogger maintains that she's sick of women settling for men mistreating them just because it comes nicely packaged with big houses and expensive things. Why can't you be bossy, attain your own, buy you own big house and expensive things, and find a man who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Why just turn the other cheek just because you're too lazy to make your own?

She has a valid point.

But in conversation with some of my good girlfriends we all agreed...that ish is easier said than done. Because as women who have attained degrees (some of us multiple), are independent, and have our heads on straight, it is hard as hell to find a great normal ass faithful man.  I would argue that it's as if you have to pick one or the other: respect yourself, be independent, attain and buy your own OR be a good woman, let a man be the head of your household, buy you nice things and be okay with the fact that he occasionally steps out on you (as long as he knows how to keep it hush, hush). Raise your hand if you know more than a couple people with the best of both worlds.

Anddd as the saying goes...the grass isn't always greener. Women like myself, who are independent and self sufficient (and are usually sitting on our high horses talking about what we ain't gon' deal with), are thinking, well maybe it wouldn't be so bad to tolerate the cheating because we are just sick of being out here single as all get out. And women on the other side (say an Emily of sorts) feel like, I'm worth more than this and I need to show him I don't need his ass. The money and nice ish don't mean more than my dignity at the end of the day.

But the truth of the matter is that as soon as you switch sides, you'll probably miss what you had on the other side. That of course, doesn't really keep anybody from switching...

So I can respect Chrissy...because she's chosen her side and she's sticking with it. I think she realizes that the alternative comes with it's set of issues as well...and it's really just about which set of issues you want to take on. And when you look at it that way...well, it's pretty darn simple whether you should...

Stay or Walk away

What do you think? Is Chrissy completely wrong, right or in between? Men, we would love to hear from you as well!! Comment below.