Are Women Too Picky or Are Men Really Shitty?

I enjoy reading a few blogs written by young Black males, mainly because they give an interesting perspective on how today's pool of young Black women are viewed by our counterparts. An overarching theme I've heard from these guys, and many others within my network, is that women are too picky.

Sometimes, I'm inclined to agree with this assertion. I myself, have deleted a few items from my list of must-haves in a man. But I'm not 100% sure I did this because my list was wrong of me to have in the first place, or if it was just too darn unrealistic given the current pool of men out here.

More often than not, we (and I'm speaking for the college-educated, good career toting, own apartment/house and car, no kids, attractive and fashion forward women) are criticized for having a laundry list of expectations and demands for any guy we'll even consider dating material, let alone boyfriend or husband material. While I would agree that it does limit us to the pool of men to choose from...I'm not quite sure that it's irrational for us to have this list.

Traditionally, and let's admit it, the majority of us want to operate traditionally, men are the captain of the ship, the head of the household, the provider, the leader, the man. I think that for me and women like me, who have attained a lot at a fairly young age, it might just be the case that it takes a long laundry list to be the captain of our ships.

Let's take me for example. I am 25, with an advanced degree, my own apartment, my own car, I am looking to make manager at my current job in the next two years (so my goal is to make director by the time I'm 30)...if I attain this, it means hopefully making six figures by or before I turn 30. (These are GOALS...hint hint, looking for a man who has them!) I'm pretty sure I'd be considered normal by social standards...I make friends easily, I have a broad network of peers in multiple career areas, I come from a pretty decent family...oh and I almost forgot, I don't have any kids and I'm a Certified Public Accountant.

I would like to think that "long" laundry list of, what I'd like to call, "bossy" qualities about myself (please excuse my lack of humility for the purposes of this post), entitles me to request the same of any man I want to give my attention to. No?

With that in mind, I'd want a man between 25-30, with an advanced degree, his own apartment/home (I don't have a roommate, but compromise is key so I won't judge if he has one) and car, on the career track to be making at least six figures by 30 (if he's not doing it already), with a decent network of friends, colleagues and peers (don't be a weirdo or asshole), a good family, and some type of [hard to attain] licensure for his line of work. NO KIDS. And it would be nice if he were also attractive (by my standards) and God-fearing.

That man almost sounds like Mr. Perfect huh?

I feel like if I made a bold statement that this is what I want, this is my list...my mama might even tell me I'm asking for too much. But why? All I'm asking for is someone like me!

Check this: In the military, you don't get to become the Captain if you haven't yet proven yourself to be a great Lieutenant. Furthermore, the Lieutenant never leads the Captain...ever. Why would I want a man to be the Captain of my ship and he hasn't even made it to my rank...Lieutenant? I'll let you think about it.

To take this a little further...

We all love the Obamas, not only because they are the President and First Lady of the United States, but because they represent tradition. Barack is the man, he is the Captain, there is no confusion about that. Michelle is his wife, the mother of his children, she is the Lieutenant, and she follows his lead. Yet and still, Michelle is a very accomplished woman in her own right. We get the impression that her husband respects her and loves her, regardless of their ranks. But, would we look at their relationship the same if Barack were a truck driver (or insert any career here that doesn't make as much as Michelle did before she became the First Lady) and Michelle were just as successful as she was before the Presidency?

Probably not. I mean we'd probably feel like Michelle is on her "ish". But we wouldn't glorify the couple in the same way we do now. The order would be messed up...that's not the way things are supposed to be...it doesn't follow tradition...it isn't normal. And let's admit, the reason we love the Obamas is because they are as "normal" of a couple as it gets. Except in our society that isn't the norm anymore, it's the exception...which is in and of itself a big issue, but I'll save that for another post. 

Certain parts of this post are me just playing devil's advocate. (Sorry to be so harsh at times guys). But parts of devil's advocate, I actually kind of bang with. I'm open to falling in love with whoever I fall in love with...but I don't think that if I did have a standard of men that requires what some people would deem "too much," I would be wrong. I can't go putting millionaire on my list of requirements, b/c let's be real... I'm no Drake, but to request the same things of a partner that I myself bring to the table, shouldn't be regarded as being "too picky."

So is it really the case that women are being too picky? Or is it that the majority of men out here are just too shitty?

I would love to hear your thoughts!

When are we...Damaged Goods?

Damaged Good (noun) - \damn-edge-d goo-d\ One who is no longer deemed valuable, desirable, or wanted due to being perceived as defective by the opposite sex, mainly because of a long-standing single relationship status. <She's beautiful and smart but she's 35 and has never been married, she must be damaged goods.>

I thought the rule of thumb is 30. Once you're 30, never been married, never been close to being engaged, are as single as a dollar, the perception by men is that something must be wrong with you. Because of course if you are educated, attractive and personable then a man somewhere would have scooped you up and put a ring on it. So because that isn't the case, something must be wrong with you.

The first date question will go from, "so, tell me about yourself..." to "so, why are you single..." Even more importantly, answering this question with "oh, I'm just young, focused on my career and having fun dating" is no longer acceptable. If you say that, something is REALLY wrong with you.

Recently, (as I approached the big 2-5) it was brought to my attention that this age has now been bumped up to 25! Well hot damn! I am 25! Lol. Scary right? Ehhh a little. 

Because I’m on this life high right now, I can write this post from a very positive point of view. If you all had caught me 4 months ago…oh gosh, I don’t even want to think about what negative things I would’ve had to say. 

I semi agree that by some age, a woman should, at the very least, have been in some form of a long-term, serious commitment (even if it didn't end in marriage). But I also think that there may in fact be a very good reason (or several) why this hasn't happened for said woman. Not to mention, what if the problem with a woman is that she sticks around in meaningless commitments non-relationships too long??? So yeah, a guy has put up with her for 2-3 years, buttttt the entire time she was really just his "bottom bish" and he has always been waiting for something better to come along. How many of us know (or were) that woman??? Exxxxactly. These days...the days of non-titles and non-relationships, it doesn't seem as cut and dry as it was in the past; the past days of one man, one woman, love, a proposal, marriage and then kids.

So if we must keep this rule, I would like to argue that the age should be 30 (and very soon being increased to 32, if only for my sake..lol). I mean at 25, you’ve barely started your career (most of us are about 3 years in). At the VERY least, you’re JUST becoming grounded. You’ve JUST become financially stable, developed a decent life savings, maintained a certain standard of living for a little while, and gotten into the groove of adulthood. Who in his right mind would expect you to be finished and scooped up by 25??? Now, I’m not knocking anyone who is...that’s awesome! However, for those of us who aren’t…I think it is only fair that we get another 5 years before we become…

Damaged Goods.

please.and thank you.