Check it. I read an article in the February issue of Essence Magazine that talked about relationship myths. One of them (and obviously the one that really caught my attention), was something along the lines of:
"Giving it up too soon will give a guy the wrong impression and lump you into the easy/hobags category."
To my surprise, the guy "expert" lending his advice for this myth said that as an adult, the time in which it takes to get the drawers doesn't heavily weigh on a guy's decision to seriously pursue a woman. He mentioned that he's had long relationships with women who he has slept with the first night they met him as well as women who made him wait a few dates, weeks, months.
We (women) always think that if you give it up too soon the guy will automatically think that everybody is hittin' it that soon. But he suggested that's not the case. Guys are cocky. They don't think every guy gets it that soon, they just think they did. Swag. lol. Basically, it plays to a guy's ego.
Who knew?!!!
Furthermore... he mentioned that actually, when a woman makes him wait too long...he oftentimes gets annoyed and becomes uninterested. *brakes screeching* WHAAAAT?!
Yall, this threw me...like all. the. way. Why would a woman wanting to be sure about taking the next step in a relationship make any good man disinterested? Or would it? If a man becomes disinterested...does that mean he wasn't any good for you anyway? Or does it mean, you're trippin' woman?
Readers...male and female...WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!
- What is the best window of time (to not give it up too soon but not make him wait too long)?
- How many men have actually become uninterested in a woman mostly based on this factor?
- Is this guy's perspective true for most men?
I know many couples who slept together on the first date and are now happily married. Over the years, I've learned that there aren't any rules to dating. You must do what is confortable for you. If it's meant to be, it'll be; God has total control.
ReplyDeleteDo we want to bring God's will into this? Because I'm sure sleeping together anytime before marriage doesn't have His blessing. So I would agree that He has a plan for everyone but He also has given us the ability to choose...to choose to go with Him (and obey his word) or to choose to go away from Him (and do worldly things). Only if we look to Him and allow Him to, will he take "total control." Since having sex with a guy (you're not married to) is a worldly thing...I don't think God saves us from us doing it too soon or too late. lol.
DeleteComfortable*
ReplyDeleteA man who is truly interested in a woman won't approach his pursuit of her solely with the intention to have sex with her. If his motives are to pursue something potentially long term then he will be willing to wait as long as she needs. That might sound like a fairy tale scenario, but a man who becomes disinterested because a woman doesn't give it up within a certain time frame or because she gives it up too soon is likely not to want anything very serious to begin with. If he's into her he's into her its that simple. Sex doesn't keep relationships together and is certainly not the determining factor for whether a coupling situation manifests. Hence, why many couples regardless of when they first had sex remain successful and long term.
ReplyDeleteI think a man who sees a woman's choice to have sex as simply that, a choice, and not an indication of her worth is less likely to subscribe to the idea that she is "easy" and more likely to view her as a self-assured woman who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to be who she is and share that with him. Ideally relationships are most compatible when connection occurs on a physical, spiritual, and mental level. A man who sees value in forming a meaningful connection and sees it in a particular woman, is not going to be deterred. Period.
At the end of the day, a woman will only know what a man is really on by what he shows her before, during, and after she has sex with him, whenever that happens. If he chooses to bounce then he's done her a favor. He didn't really "see" her to begin with and all that she is. Making a man wait should not be viewed as a means to keep his interest, but a way to insure he is worth the investment. Do you even want to be with this man? Is he a man of character? Is he chasing his manhood in between your thighs or seeking a meaningful partnership? Does his presence add to your life? Is he your friend? Etc.
That's my two cents. Love your blog Speedy Spender :)