Do Better: Why Going Out On NYE Should Be A Financial Faux Pas

I'm not sure which holiday I find more pointless...Halloween or New Years' Eve. Why do I despise these two holidays so??? They cause people to be ridiculously reckless and not the least bit financially savvy.

Halloween
Let's be honest, there are two holidays that (as an adult) are only for the purpose of partying: St. Patty's and Halloween. St.Patty's I love. Halloween I hate.

Halloween costumes are the most expensive cheap thing I've ever seen in my life. Most of them are made out of something close to plastic (have you ever, EVER, seen a high quality Halloween costume?) but they cost you approximately $30-$40-$50 + shipping and handling  (because the really good ones probably aren't in stores). St. Patty's only requires a little green and a lot of beer. Both cheap options for me and just as fun.

Why would you ever waste your money on a Halloween costume?

New Years' Eve
Can someone please calculate (and post) how much money they spend on NYE...because I couldn't find a stat but I'm sure if people really calculated it, they would realize it is hardly the most fun they have all year but probably the most they pay to have fun all year. In fact, NYE might be the worst night ever to go out becauseeee:

• Every establishment charges an arm and a leg to get in. They make you think it's worth it because there's food and open bar but really that is just a ploy to help millions of not-so-smart people rationalize why it's remotely okay to spend $70-200 on cover to a club. Club goers say: "welllll I would spend that much including cover and drinks anyway, and I mean, it's NYE."
• Do you really consume enough drinks at a club on NYE to rationalize the crazy amount you paid for your ticket? I think not. We all know that the bar is so flipping crowded that it takes you at least 15 minutes to get one measly drink. The club owners usually put the kibosh on double fisting and you and your friends end up either making some elaborate scheme to figure out how you can maximize your alcohol intake, or become really annoyed and pissed at the barrage of people you have to fight through for one (included) drink. So most of you (admit it) pregame enough to make sure you only need a few drinks at the "open bar" because you know that filthy bar line could completely ruin your night. You learned your lesson on depending on that open bar last year right?
• Or, or, or, an alternative to the above is arriving at the party extremely early...likeeee 8:30/9 and soaking up as much alcohol as you can before it gets super crowded. But oh, by the time midnight hits, your feet are hurting, you're sweaty, you are almost starting to lose your buzz (and don't want to be bothered with the barrage of people at the bar because that's what you came early to avoid in the first place) andddd you realize...all of this still...is an ultimate FAIL.
• A new outfit is a must. Would anyone dare be seen in anything they already have in their closet? But I don't know why not...because NYE is easily the messiest club night of the year. Does anyone live by the 3-foot bubble rule? Well not on NYE you don't. Everything is jam packed, crowded, smushed, cramped, extremely annoying. This means more folks bumping into you, spilling on you, sweating on you and just overall touching you (and not in a good way).

If you've already wasted spent your money on a fabulous NYE ticket...no worries...I'm not judging you, I'm merely saying...

Maybe you can do better next year.

Are You The Type of Woman A Man SHOULD Date?

I think there's an important distinction to be made for the type of women men normally date and the type of women men should date. The difference is that men see the first type of woman (and date her) for all of the "less-important" superficial things. She is attractive - very desirable to other men aka "a nice arm piece". She has a good resume - education, ambition, "wifey" skills (cooking, cleaning, bearing children and still looking good after she does so). She is decent to hang out with - can be fun, good in bed, the fam will probably like her...essentially, he can stand being around her.

Don't get me wrong, all of those qualities are great to look for, but I think a major issue today is that 20-something men focus too much on those (and make them non-negotiables) and not enough on the ones that will shape, mold, and impact their lives in a far greater and more positive way for possibly a far longer time. In essence, they ignore the types of women they should date.

I was inspired to write this post by another blog - 7 Types of Women Every Man Should Date - and my own dating journey. I would highly recommend you read it first before proceeding because I won't go into detail about each type like the writer does.

This morning was my second time reading this post, but it spoke to me in a much different way than when I first read it. I asked myself, how many of these types do I believe I embody and how many of these types would the men I've dated/talked to/been emotionally involved with agree I embody. It is SO important to make the distinction between the two because let's face it, at the end of the day, perception is everything folks...especially if you want a ring on it.

So ladies, when/if you read the link above, please ask yourselves the same questions.

Men, if you read it, ask yourself how many of these types do you truly look for in a woman you decide to pursue. Not only that, but how many of these trump your more "superficial" non-negotiables like the ones I listed above. Maybe they should move a little higher on the list? #justsayin

Okay let's dig in. Starting with...

1. Submitted to God - for the sake of being politically correct I will say, submitted to a higher being or something larger than oneself. I run into soooo many people who are so worried about being "open minded" and "accepting" of different types of people, that they are willing to move this outrageously important quality to the back burner. Now obviously if you, the man, don't believe, then this would probably be N/A for you. But if you do and yo momma raised you to believe in God, submit to Him and pray (even if your behind isn't in church as much as you should be) and you are thankful that yo momma raised you with these values because they have in some large way/shape/form influenced you to become a man of high character...why, on Earth, would you want to be with someone who would not raise your children with the same values?! There are a ton of other reasons why this should be #1 on your list (like really #1, not a fake #1 that you can let go if you really like her) but I'm not going to go there. 
2.  A Selfless Woman - basically this means a PARTNER. For some reason, and men have this issue too, we are all so consumed with what we want to do for ourselves. "I want to make sure my money, career, body, car, clothes, are right." "I can't get serious about anything until I am where I want to be." All of these are selfish thoughts and they in no way shape or form help us practice how to be selfless. There are many, many successful couples (the Obamas being one of them) who have accumulated success in money, careers and lifestyles to-ge-ther. Not only do I think it's doable, but I also think it makes a stronger, longer lasting marriage (I will point back to the Obamas again) when you've built your life to-ge-ther. But before we even get there...we have to learn to be selfless. Practicing the me-me-me attitude in your 20's won't help your become more selfless. Maybe we should start focusing more on this now.
3. A Simple and Low Maintenance Woman - I had to read this description about three times because I would not use any of those words to describe me...but I understand why he's saying these women are good catches. However, I'm not sure I think that in order to be focused on the important things in life, you have to be simple or low maintenance. I associate simple and low maintenance with an inability to be flyy and...I. Just. Can't. lol. I think it's okay to like nice things and to want nice things. However, I think a man needs to discern whether the woman is truly able to restrain herself and let go of worldly possessions when needed. While she may like or want nice things, does she flip out when she has to forgo a nice thing for a while or forever? Maybe I'm just making excuses because I just don't measure up to this one. You decide.
4. A Woman Who Can Truly Be Your Best Friend - Once, when I was in high school, I got a piece of advice about marriage (from someone who has been in a very long one) that will stick with me forever: "You should always marry your best friend because you can never stay upset with your best friend for too long" (and therefore the bad things that happen in your marriage will not be able to permanently tear the two of you apart). It's Just. That. Simple. 
5. Emotionally Stable - I don't think this means the woman can't be emotional. She can be emotional...she just needs to know how to put her emotions in check and not let them govern her actions. I do think it's harder for more emotional women to accomplish this...because I am one...but it's not impossible and I definitely understand why this is important. 
6. A Loyal and Patient Woman - which requires a loyal and patient man. Should I repeat that? Yes it's awesome to have a woman who will be there through thick and thin, support your dreams and cheer you on. But oftentimes it seems that the reverse isn't always true. My issues and shortcomings may be different than yours, but that doesn't mean you get to expect my support and patience and then get annoyed/frustrated with the ways I am trying to grow. Please remember that. 
7. A Woman With Character - "Character is what we do when other people are not looking." One of the statements I hate most is when people go "Well s/he didn't do it to me, so I have no reason not to like her/him." What?! How does that make sense to you? I'm the type of woman that will get really upset if any guy I'm in the company of feels the need to call another woman a bitch. It speaks to your character.  If he is calling her a bitch that means he WILL call me a bitch and that is not okay. Any guy I spend time with should respect all women, even the ones that make him upset. Men this goes for you too. If you are dating a woman who is always talking about her friends or who doesn't respect her family, it speaks to her character. Just because it's not you she's talking about or disrespecting doesn't mean that she will never treat you that way. In fact she probably will.

I would like to consider myself more focused on being the type of woman a man realizes that he wants in his life for the long term. Unfortunately for myself and a lot of my close friends, it's really hard to keep hope alive because guys oftentimes look past you despite admitting that you have most (if not all) of the qualities listed above. They look past you because while they think those things are great, they're more focused on the superficial that makes them happy for 6 months to a year instead of the qualities that will keep them happy for a lifetime.

Posts like the one on Quentin McCall's blog help reassure me that I'm on the right path and that I'm focusing on the right enhancements, but also that I still have growing to do. God is not done with me yet but I'm glad that at 25 I can confidently say...

I am the type of woman a man should date.

Planning Travel for 2012

Top Budget Travel Destinations for 2012
that's a link y'all

Any of these places on your bucket list? Might want to save your pennies and make it there in 2012 because according to that article, they have the best bang for your buck.

• Azores
• Egypt
• San Diego
• San Antonio
• Atlantic Canada
• Belize
• Poland
• Tapei
• Athens
• Kansas City

You have time to decide. In the meantime...

PLEASE HAVE A HAPPY AND SAFE HOLIDAY!

I don't know a more selfish group of people than...Republicans

This is totally a vent post. Excuse me while I...

You know, sometimes, I can almost, kinda, maybe, on a good day, see where some Republicans are coming from...sometimes. But most of the time, I truly believe that these "standoffs" they have with Democrats are completely selfish and ridiculous.

People are struggggling and you are refusing to pass a bill that would allow them to keep $20/week in their pockets and a roof over their head in the event that they lose a job...even though the bill really only extends this "luxury" until the end of February (which might as well be now, I get it, that's not a real solution, but at least it puts some tick on the clock). Republicans still refuse!

Republicans are trying to make the Dems look bad by saying that the Dems are being the irrational individuals. They're leaving for their holiday vacations anyway, while the Republicans are diligently in Washington "trying to find a fix," "trying to negotiate." Give me a fawking break!

Moreover, the House Republicans want to call the Senate back to talk to them about it too. Now maybe this is my lack of knowledge about the system but...the Senate passed the bill 89-10, they're done, they've done their part, you, House, on the other hand, are the one that isn't finished. 

My Senator, Dick Durbin (IL-D), made a point on the news that I would like for us to examine further. He mentioned that he thinks the Republicans are doing this because the U.S. economy is slowly getting better and they do not want it to recover on Obama's watch (Bc let's face it, if Obama can show America that he has improved the economy we've [Dems] all been saying Bush effed up, Obama is going to win a 2nd term. If not, Republicans have a better chance, and a very possible one may I add, to get the Oval office back).

So it's simple economics...take money out of folks' pockets in the form of higher taxes and/or less unemployment benefits, they spend less, consumption goes down, and we all know consumption is only the biggest thing we usually look toward to determine the state of the economy...and there you have it, the economy does not keep getting better.

I would love, LOVE, to believe that Republicans are not that selfish. They could not possibly not give a damn about everyone else so much so, they would take it this far. But that seems to be the name of the game these days. I might be partial...wait, I take that back, I am partial...but I don't think the Dems are this bad.

Oh and Obama ending the War in Iraq and bringing tons of troops home in time for Christmas...genius. Have you heard? His approval ratings are reaching 50%. Republicans...you mad huh?

Curb Your Spending: Coupon Clipping

I bought a fashionable Nine West winter coat at the end of last winter season from Macy's online for: $0 out of my pocket

Let me see if I can remember the price breakdown:

1) End of Season = huge markdowns. The coat went from approximately $280 to $99. For that kind of bargain, why not buy your next winter coat at the end of the previous winter?

2) An additional promotion for 15% off of orders over $100 was being offered by Macy's (luckily they counted my $99 purchase as $100). This brings us down to a little under $85 for the coat.

3) I had a Macy's coupon for 20% off. This brings us down to $68. 

4) And I used a gift card I received for Christmas to cover the rest.

5) Oh and...Free. Shipping.

I get SO many compliments on this coat :-)

What I'm trying to say is...don't underestimate the power of a good bargain. Not only can keeping your eye open for great promotions and sales be beneficial, but searching for and saving coupons can be the difference between paying $20 for a coat (which is still awesome) and paying $0.

I am a coupon lover. I clip them for food, clothes, household necessities. I save the coupons I get with my receipts from Target and the grocery store (how many of you throw them away? Did you know that the coupons the machine spits out nowadays is usually for the exact items you just purchased?!) 
 
I keep my coupons on me at all times (clipped right to my daily planner in my purse) because you never know when you might need one.  I hate being at a store and thinking, dang, I think I had a coupon for this!

Most of us 20-somethings think coupon clipping is for old folks or "poor" folks, but the reality is, if you're trying to save money or curb your spending, you might want to take advantage yourself.

When are we...Damaged Goods?

Damaged Good (noun) - \damn-edge-d goo-d\ One who is no longer deemed valuable, desirable, or wanted due to being perceived as defective by the opposite sex, mainly because of a long-standing single relationship status. <She's beautiful and smart but she's 35 and has never been married, she must be damaged goods.>

I thought the rule of thumb is 30. Once you're 30, never been married, never been close to being engaged, are as single as a dollar, the perception by men is that something must be wrong with you. Because of course if you are educated, attractive and personable then a man somewhere would have scooped you up and put a ring on it. So because that isn't the case, something must be wrong with you.

The first date question will go from, "so, tell me about yourself..." to "so, why are you single..." Even more importantly, answering this question with "oh, I'm just young, focused on my career and having fun dating" is no longer acceptable. If you say that, something is REALLY wrong with you.

Recently, (as I approached the big 2-5) it was brought to my attention that this age has now been bumped up to 25! Well hot damn! I am 25! Lol. Scary right? Ehhh a little. 

Because I’m on this life high right now, I can write this post from a very positive point of view. If you all had caught me 4 months ago…oh gosh, I don’t even want to think about what negative things I would’ve had to say. 

I semi agree that by some age, a woman should, at the very least, have been in some form of a long-term, serious commitment (even if it didn't end in marriage). But I also think that there may in fact be a very good reason (or several) why this hasn't happened for said woman. Not to mention, what if the problem with a woman is that she sticks around in meaningless commitments non-relationships too long??? So yeah, a guy has put up with her for 2-3 years, buttttt the entire time she was really just his "bottom bish" and he has always been waiting for something better to come along. How many of us know (or were) that woman??? Exxxxactly. These days...the days of non-titles and non-relationships, it doesn't seem as cut and dry as it was in the past; the past days of one man, one woman, love, a proposal, marriage and then kids.

So if we must keep this rule, I would like to argue that the age should be 30 (and very soon being increased to 32, if only for my sake..lol). I mean at 25, you’ve barely started your career (most of us are about 3 years in). At the VERY least, you’re JUST becoming grounded. You’ve JUST become financially stable, developed a decent life savings, maintained a certain standard of living for a little while, and gotten into the groove of adulthood. Who in his right mind would expect you to be finished and scooped up by 25??? Now, I’m not knocking anyone who is...that’s awesome! However, for those of us who aren’t…I think it is only fair that we get another 5 years before we become…

Damaged Goods.

please.and thank you.

The Secret to Life...

Is not match.com.

Under the advice of one of my closest buds, I recently read "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. I would highly recommend any remotely spiritual person to pick it up. It's a really good book about the Law of Attraction (LoA) being the Secret to a happy, prosperous, and successful life. Don't think of the LoA simply in terms of relationships, but think about it in all facets of life. Think of it as "whatever I think, will become."

The book proclaims (and provides some evidence in the form of quotes from these individuals) that the most successful inventors and businessmen, knew this secret. As such, they were able to create things that no one else could even imagine..the light bulb, the telephone, the iPod, you get my drift...all because they did it with their minds first.

For me, the book just really made me aware of the power of my thoughts. The fact that if I think, repeatedly, that there are no "good Black men" or "all men are cheaters and liars" those things will be true time and time again for me. On the other hand, if I focus my thoughts on positive things..."I will have a very successful marriage," "I will be making a six-figure salary by 30," those things will be true for me.

There's more that goes along with the premise. The book goes deeper into things and there's a ton of repetition. But I think it's a good book to 1) read and 2) have on your bookshelf for trying times for a reminder to keep it positive.

One of my favorite quotes from the book, which I've saved as my iPhone wallpaper:

"...there is an affirmation that incorporates every single thing any human being can want, and this affirmation will bring about harmonious conditions to all things. The affirmation is this: "I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy.""

I. Can. Dig it.

p.s. I know I'm late, this book is old, it was on Oprah, and lots of folks have read it...BUT if I hadn't heard of it that means someone else hadn't AND if you have read it, maybe you should pick it up again.

Curb Your Spending: Brew vs. Buy

Us twenty somethings are serious about our coffee. And while this is okay with me...we need to be equally serious about our spending habits early on...

While I drink for taste (always getting decaf because I don't consume caffeine)...I'm still as addicted (ok maybe slightly less) as my peers who cannot go a day without their morning (or afternoon) cup of joe. Since I've made my job transition, I've picked up a very bad habit...spending $4 a day on my 'grande decaf no foam skinny vanilla latte' from Starbucks. If I'm in a good mood, I'm getting a pastry too.

A regular coffee from Stabucks runs about $2.20 (I've got the specialty drink disease). I hear some smarty pants out there rolling their neck and saying, "Well that's why I get my morning cup from McDonalds or Dunkin' Donuts. It's good and slightly cheaper. I spend less than $2 a day on my morning cup of Joe." You think you've outsmarted me. Think. Again.

A morning cup of coffee brewed at home cost about $.17/cup (6-ounce cup). So let's say you get 12 ounces with your store-bought cup...that same cup, made at home would cost you $.34/day.

I'll cut to the chase.

By buying ground or whole bean coffee from the grocer you would spend about $80 a year on coffee.

By going to McDonalds or Dunkin'Donuts everyday you are spending $480 a year on coffee.

Andddd for me, the specialty coffee whore...by buying a $4 flavored latte from Stabucks on the daily, I am spending $960 a year on coffee.That Howard Schultz is a fawkkkking genius. By the way, Starbucks sells a pound of whole bean coffee for about $12. This makes about 45 6-ounce cups which converts into $.58/day for a 12-ounce cup. This means $128 a year. Still a come-up.

You know what you could do with an extra $880 a year? No...not save it...

Buy a pair of really nice, red bottoms.

(Although for those of you who thought "save it" first...nice work, you're learning. I needed to make a bigger point though. The red bottoms make a big point.)

Note: These calculations are assuming Mon-Fri, 48 workweeks in a year (bc most folks get 4 weeks vacay and holiday time off)...so 240 days. If you get coffee on the weekends and your off-days...you can recalculate for 365. I just would prefer NOT to see those numbers. smh.
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*Introducing: Curb Your Spending*
I received an email from a reader and she would love to see more on spending. She asked for one post. I decided, wouldn't it be fun to have a segment called "Curb Your Spending" where I talk about spending habits and advice on a regular basis.